Pinky Promise
by DoctorWhovian718
Summary: AU (i think) Dan has a best friend since school named Rose and they stuck together. They visit the hospital more than they would like, and Dan is never the same.
1. Panic

Chapter 1

"Phil?" I called from the front door of our apartment. "You here?" I look in the kitchen, and he's not there, as expected. He hasn't been eating much lately...should I be worried? "Phil?" I called peeking into the lounge. No sight of Phil sitting on the beanbag or the couch like normal. My breathing started to increase. I checked in his room. No Phil. Panic floods over my body. Where is he? He never goes out without telling me. _Think, Dan, think. He's gotta be here somewhere._ I check in my room, maybe he's just editing a video that I didn't know about.

I walk down the hallway to my room and creak open the door. Instead of finding Phil laying on my bed or something, Microsoft word is up with 3 words written on the screen. _I'm sorry, Dan._ What does this mean? Where's Phil? What has he done? "Phil!" I start to scream. I can feel a hot pool of tears surfacing under my eyes. I have to find him. Where's the one place I haven't checked? _The bathroom._

I rush out of my room and dash to the bathroom. I hesitate to open the door. What am I about to see? I push open the door calling, "Phil?" softly under my breath. My eyes widen at the sight. Phil's lying on the bathroom floor, blood gushing out of his wrists. Scars. So many scars line his body. How have I never noticed them? He wears so many jackets- I wasn't even suspicious! I'm an idiot! I'm stupid! "Phil! Phil! What have you done, you bloody idiot!" I sink down to my knees and reach for his neck. I feel a faint pulse through his skin. "Oh, thank God." I breath a sigh of relief. I need to call 999. "Phil? I need to leave for a moment to grab my phone to call 999, okay? Will you be okay?" I stand up about to go grab my phone from the kitchen when I hear some. A voice.

"No, Dan. Leave me here to die."

"Phil, no. Why would I do that? Hang on for dear life, okay? I'll be right back."

"No! Let me die already!"

"No! I'm NOT GOING TO DO that!" I haven't realized it, but I've begun to cry. "YOU'RE MY ONLY FRIEND PHIL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO LOSE YOU!" I was yelling at him now. "If you were gone, I'd have to kill myself, too." That last part. I didn't even realized I thought that way. I stormed out of the room and sprinted to the kitchen and grabbed my phone, dialing 999 and I made my way to the bathroom.

"999, what's your emergency?" The lady asked me in a calm tone.

"Y-yes," I said, trying to choke back sobs. "M-my friend. He tried to kill himself, he cut to badly. He's loosing blood, fast. Please, hurry." I tried to be as calm as I could. After I gave her my address, she said the paramedics would be here soon. I bent down next to Phil. "Phil, if you are going to die today, which I hope to god you aren't, tell me one thing: why have you done this to yourself, and how long?" Tears slipped from my eyes and onto his cheek.

Phil was pale, which isn't a surprise, but he's paler than I thought humanly possible. I could see the life slipping away from his grasp, and fast. It took a while, but he finally answered," Because, I'm the second choice Dan."

"What's that supposed to mean you idiot?" Second choice? What the hell?

"It means," he sighed, trying not to cry himself. "Everyone loves you, not me. I'm the second choice. They pick you!" At this point he was bawling.

"You're an idiot. I'll prove you wrong." I grabbed my phone and called the familiar number I've known my whole life. Rose. I am going to call Rose. She was my best friend all through school, and stayed with me through my good and bad times. She only lived 3 doors down from us.

The phone ringed 3 times until she answered. "Hello?" Came her calm, distant voice through the phone. I put it on speaker.

"It's me."

"Oh, hey Dan. What's up?"

"It's an emergency. Get here, and quick. We're in the bathroom." I was trying not to let her hear me cry.

"We? As in, you and Phil? I didn't know you were gay."

"That's not what I-just get over here! And hurry! Please!" I was begging her now. I couldn't just stay here alone with my dying Phil. I needed to prove to him that he wasn't the second choice.

"Rose?" Phil asked. I don't know what he was asking exactly, but I nodded. Phil turned his wrists, making the blood leak on the carpet.

I heard the door open and close. "Dan?" She called.

"In here! Hurry!" I called, my sobs flooding my voice.

"Dan, you sound aw-OH MY GOD, PHIL! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" She screamed at the sight of the paler-than-usual Phil, also starting to cry. "Did you call an ambulance? Why did he do this? Phil, hang on! You'll be okay! I promise." He voice that was filled with panic was calm, soothing. Her blonde hair hung from her head in soft curls, and she was beautiful. I didn't like her in that way necessarily, she was the 3rd part of our trio.

"Yeah, I did. They should be here any minute now." I turned to Phil. "Tell her what you told me."

"I don't want to. She's too nice. I don't want to ruin her life."

"Tell her, you idiot. You won't ruin anything." He sighed.

"Fine, I'm the second choice. Are you happy now?"

"WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING TALKING ABOUT YOU BLOODY IDIOT?!" She screamed at him. This was why Rose was good. She was encouraging at times, but she could also knock some sense into people. "You are not a second choice, whatever that means. I like you better than Dan, to be honest."

"Hey!"

"Joking!" She called to me. She started stroking Phil's hair. "Why would you think that Phil? You know we love you."

"I don't know. No one likes me for one thing. And you guys always tease me and you know I hate it. And-" He was interrupted by Rose's lips meeting his. They pulled apart and started into each other's blue eyes for a moment.

"Was that enough proof for you?" She asked, pleased with herself. Phil just sat there, smiling like an idiot. Of course I knew Rose had a crush on Phil, she told me the first time they met. I knew this would happen.

Then, spoiling the moment, the paramedics came in and scooped Phil onto a stretcher. He was still fading fast. Me and Rose sat in the ambulance next to Phil, both of them smiling feeling proud of themselves. Rose then whipped out her phone and started texting. When she locked her phone, my phone buzzed.

_Thank you. I don't want to say this in front of Phil especially in this state,but I've been seriously depressed,too, and for the same reason. I can't tell if it's gotten better, but I have stopped cutting._

_-Rose_

When I looked up from my phone, she lifted up her sweatshirt sleeve to reveal 10 or 15 healing scars.

"Rose," I breathed in shock. "Rose, why?"

"There never really was a reason, I was depressed from every little thing. An argument with my friend, someone not saying hello to me in the halls. I still am, really."

"You should have told me."

"I would've, but nobody seemed to care."

"I do." Tears started to pool in her eyes recalling the memories. She leaned her head on my shoulder for the rest of the ride to A&E.

Phil fainted in the ambulance, so he couldn't talk to anybody about what happened. When we finally reached the hospital, they took Phil to a room and we were instructed to stay put in the waiting area, so they could stitch him up. "Why?" I asked suddenly, turning to my best friend, who I thought I knew everything about. She sighed. "I mean, why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. Nobody seemed to care, so why should you?"

"I'm your best friend, and I care about you, that's why. I always stuck by your side. Even when I went to that party without you, and you seemed super sad. I came home just to be with you."

"This isn't one of those moments where we kiss, is it?"

"No!" I said, turning slightly pink. "No, no! That's not what I meant! Remember though? I was hanging around with my friends without you, and you called, and you sounded heartbroken, I didn't know what to do. You wouldn't tell me what was wrong, but I came anyway. Remember?" That was one of my favorite memories with Rose. I was at a party with my mates, having a good time. Then I got a phone call from Rose, and she was crying. She sounded terrified. I asked her frantically what was wrong, but she wouldn't tell me. 'It's fine,' She said. I could tell it wasn't, why else would she have called me? So I explained to my friends what had happened, and I came to her place, and we watched the Lord Of The Rings series until she fell asleep on my lap and I carried her to bed.

"Yeah, I remember."

"Will you promise me if you ever feel sad again, to call me?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Pinky promise?"

"What are we, five?" She asked sarcastically. I looked at her with my bug chocolate brown eyes and did my best pouty face, knowing it will always work. "Fine. I pinky promise." She reluctantly joined our pinkies together.

The door to the waiting room burst open. "Mr. Howell and Miss Jones?" The doctor called to us in a deep voice. "You can see him now."

On that last syllable, me and Rose sat up in unison. We hurriedly asked him which room Phil was in and rushed towards room 221 B.

After about 5 minutes of frantic searching for my best friend, we finally found his room in the deserted corridor. I knocked on the door lightly 3 times, because that was our secret knock. "Dan?" Came a hoarse whisper when I walked in.

"Yeah. And Rose." I responded.

"Hi," She called to him from the doorway, unsure to come in. She was always scared of annoying people, so she tended to stay back. "Can I come in?"

"Of course, why couldn't you?" He called back.

"Oh-um... no reason." She said shakily. I sat down next to Phil and looked around the room. It was painted a dull yellow, and you can tell the painters were trying to make the room more happy. "How're ya doing?"

"Fine." He said, his eyes drifting to a close. He still looked awful- his hair was tousled, he was still horribly pale, he had dark black circles around his eyes, and worse of all, he had fresh scars.

"Oh, no ya don't!" I announced, lifting up his eyelids. "You are not going away from us today, buddy."

"Lemme sleep, Dan." He said mumbled. I could tell he was tired.

"No. Not before you do one thing."

"What's that?"

"Promise me."

"What are you going on about, Dan? You sound like you're telling me you're gay or somethin'."

"FOR GOD'S SAKE I'M NOT GAY!" I yelled frustrated, which caused some nurses to peek through the door to make sure everything was okay. "No. Promise me that when you're feeling sad you'll talk to me, okay?"

"Fine. I promise."

"Pinky promise?" He sighed. We've done this before.

"Pinky promise." He said as we interlocked our pinkies.

2 weeks later

"Hey, Phil. Your arm any better?" I asked as I strolled into Phil's room, handing him some tea.

"Yeah, loads. The stitches are kind of itchy, though." He replied, picking at the scars.

"Don't touch them! You bloody idiot!" I pulled his hand away from his arm and sat down next to him on his bed. After about an hour or so of talking about random things like lions and llamas, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I dig in my pocket and grabbed my phone. I looked at the number the phone displayed worriedly. Phil must have noticed because he said, "Who is it?"

"Rose." She hasn't called me since the hospital. I touched the talk button and brought the phone to my ear.

Before I could even say hello I was greeted with sobs. "Dan. I need help! Help me, please!" She begged. I put it on speaker.

"What's wrong?" I asked trying to sound brave. What had she done to herself? Was she in trouble?

"I kept my promise! I made a mistake! Help me! Please! Dan if you only save me once in my entire life that time is now!" She was choking back sobs, but didn't do it to successfully.


	2. Dang it, Rose

Chapter 2

"I'm coming." I hung up the phone and turned to Phil seriously. "Rose needs help." He looked frightened. Not frightened as if I just scared him with the Edward Cullen mask or something, he looked terrified.

"I'm coming." He jumped up from his bed, tear surfacing from his eyes.

"No, you're not. Not in this condition you aren't, mister." I said sternly.

"Yes, I am. She's my friend. I. Am. Coming."

"No. You're. Not."

"You're not my dad."

"I am in this situation."

"This is just getting weird, Dan." I sighed.

"Fine. You can come."

We sprinted from his room, down the stairs, and out into our apartment building's hallway. We ran three doors down, to find the door was locked. "What are we going to do?" Phil asked.

"Back up." I instructed, backing up myself. I ran towards the door and stretched my leg outward and the door burst open. "Rose!" I called to the seemingly empty apartment. I walked forward, towards her room. Dots of blood lined the floor. "Crap."

"Rose!" Phil called, letting his salty tears spill over. "Please, where are you?"

"In here." A weak voice called from her room. I walked in to find her on the ground cuts lining her whole body.

"Rose...why?" She didn't answer, but instead started crying harder.

"I'm sorry."

"Phil, call 999." I instructed sternly. He nodded and headed towards the phone. When I was sure Phil couldn't hear us I whispered in Rose's ear:

"hush little baby,  
don't you cry,  
don't cut your arms,  
don't say goodbye.  
put down that razor,  
put down that light,  
it may be hard but,  
you'll win this fight"

"Wh-where'd you learn that?"

"Things get around."

Phil came back from the phone and bent down next to Rose. He stroked her hair gently. "Why?" He asked so innocently, I would've gave him a million dollars right there and then if he had asked.

Rose sniffed, avoiding the question. How does she do that? Phil looks so sweet. Ugh, why am I saying that? I'm not gay.

"My arm hurts," She moaned.

"I know it does, baby." Phil answered. 'Baby'? Since when did that happen? Barf.

"Ugh, I think I'm gonna throw up now. D'you two want a room or somethin'?" I asked, fake gagging. At this, Phil punched me in the arm. Hard. "Ow, you twat! That hurt!"

"You'll be okay, you turnip." I sighed. The paramedics came in the apartment, and eventually found us in the room.

"I know this scene all too well," I sighed, trying not to cry.

_Years before..._

"**Dan!" My friend Matt screamed at me. "Help! I did it again! Please! Call 999!" I rushed to the phone, terrified. Matt cut again...while I was at his house? I dialed the foreign number for the first time, shaking. **

"**Hello, 999, what's your emergency?"**

"**Y-yes...m-my friend, M-Matt... h-he cut himself," I said sobbing full on now. Was Matt going to be okay? I gave the operator the address of his London home and walked into his room, afraid of what I was about to see. Instead of seeing large cuts on his arms and legs, I saw something worse. Far worse. A gun by his side and a gaping hole in his torso. "Matt!" I screamed, horrified. "What have you done?" **

"**I-I don't know!" He yelled, and then winced in pain. A BB gun was what he used. He used a BB gun. He must have known it wasn't going to kill him, not quickly anyway, it was just another replacement for cutting.**

"**The paramedics are coming, Matt! Just hang on!"**

The rest of the night was a blur. Unfortunately, Matt died weeks later because of an infection. As the memory faded away, I realized I was in the ambulance. When did I get in here? I hope I didn't do anything stupid while in my trance.

Phil was sat across from me, the stretcher in between us. The ambulance was darker than I remember it. There were more machines and buttons, too. Why is that? Was it that the last time I was more focused on Phil? Do I not care about Rose? No, that's stupid, I decided. Of course I do. I just didn't have my coffee this morning, so I'm not as focused. Yeah, that's it, I confirmed. Coffee. Focus, Dan. Your friend is dying here, focus. Help her. Just now did I realize what Phil and Rose were doing. They were having a total make-out session in front of the paramedics, while Rose was laying down on the stretcher. How is that possible? "Ugh, get a room." I muttered, annoyed. While Phil was still kissing Rose, he some how managed to punch my arm.

Finally, through all my torture of watching a couple-but-not-couple make out session, we made it to A&E. Thank God, too. Rose was fading fast.

The paramedics rushed Rose out of the ambulance and sped her through hallways and again, we were instructed to sit down in the waiting room area. I looked over longingly at the child's area. Maybe I could just go over for a minute...

"No, Dan," Phil uttered to me. "Germs." I groaned. He knew me too well.

"So," I started, a devilish smirk pulling at my lips forming. "You and Rose, huh? And how was that romantic make-out session in the ambulance?"

I watched as Phil's face turned from a pale to a bright red in under .1 seconds. "Ehm..." He said, trying to hide the embarrassment.

"Dude, I was just teasing. You did good." I slapped him on the back.

"Oh, so you don't mind me shagging your best friend?" It was his turn to smirk.

"Shut up, you useless paperclip."

"Oh, zing!" Phil muttered under his breath, giggling.

"Hey! Don't steal my catchphrase!"

"Learn to share."

"Okay," I countered and got up from my stiff, uncomfortable chair and headed towards the kids' area. I started to play with a plastic toy truck when a little child with no hair came up to me.

"E-excuse m-me, mister, c-can I play with t-that truck?" He asked shakily. I nodded and handed him the truck and instead grabbed some colored pencils and two coloring books. We were going to be here a while. I walked over to Phil and said, "Today I did something- I shared my toys." I handed him some pencils and the kitten coloring book. "Now, I also did something nice for my best friend- I gave him a coloring book and pencils." I sat down with my puppy book and started coloring.

"Twat."

I smirked. I am way to literal. But it's fun.

2 kitten colorings and 3 puppy colorings later, the doctor called us in to Rose's room. Surprisingly enough, it was the same doctor.

"Are you depressed, too, Dan?" He asked me. He obviously didn't want us coming back.

"No, but I ought to be, all my friends are." I joked. The doctor didn't think it as funny as I did and neither did Phil. Finally, through a few minutes of awkward silence, we were taken to Rose's room. Surprisingly enough, it was the same room Phil was in-221 B. I knocked on the door awkwardly. "Rose?" I half whispered to her. "Can we come in?" I asked.

"Yes, but not Phil though."

Phil seemed obviously taken aback by this, and reluctantly stayed out side after telling him that I'd tell him everything she said once we got home. Little did he know I lied. I walked into the room I despised so much and sat next to Rose's hospital bed. "What's up, munchkin?" I asked her, ruffling her hair the way she hated.

"Don't call me that, Dan."

"Fine, fine, okay. What's your troubles then? Why'd you relapse?"

"Uhm...that's what I wanted to talk to you about actually..." She trailed off.

"Annnddd...?" I asked, concerned.

"I'm worried."

"About...?"

"You."

"Oh, gag. Why would you worry about me?"

"I don't know, the fact that me and Phil are kind of...whatever we are. I just wanted to make sure you were okay with it."

"Yeah..I mean I-" I stopped mid-sentence and sat back in my chair. Was I okay with it? I don't know...it's weird, really. I'd just be the third wheel from now on. I tried to blink back tears as memories flooded to me of my childhood and late teenage years of being the third wheel. Those were not good times. "Yeah, it's fine," I managed to choke out. "Totally fine." I didn't know if that lie was believable or not, and there were other things I wasn't telling her, and she knew that.

"Okay...well, if there's something bothering you you know you can tell me, right?"

"I could say the same for you." I sighed, but I'm still not satisfied. "But seriously, why did you relapse?"

Completely avoiding the question, she called to Phil. "You can come in now!"

"Yeah! Finally! It's cold out there. Plus I felt like the nurses were judging me, and I didn't like it." He sat down next to me an a horridly green chair and attempted to get comfortable. He failed. "Are you alright?"

She nodded, her eyes flickering to Phil. God, I'm going to vomit. I groaned. We were going to be here a while, like we were with Phil.

We spent the next couple of hours playing little games like I Spy and things like that. We even played truth or dare, but the dares had to be limited because of our conditions. Finally, after hours of torture, the nurse came in and told us we could leave.

"But, before you go. Which one's Dan?" I raised my hand. "I want you to monitor both of them, just in case. Okay? So Rose, you'll probably have to stay with them a couple of days." She groaned, and I wasn't entirely sure if it was real or not.

"What? You don't want to stay with your _boyfriend?"_ I asked like an 11 year old girl. Needless to say, Rose smacked me. "Ow!"

After Rose was unhooked from the IV and all the tangled wires, we were free to go. We decided to walk back to our flat, as it's only a 20-30 minute walk. "Okay," Phil started when we reached our flat. "Better start packing then, Rose. You're staying with us." She walked away to her flat and we walked into ours.

"Phil," I sighed, poking him in the back. "How the hell are we going to pull this off?"


	3. Don't Let The Monsters Scare You, Dan

**Hey! So if you could give me some feedback on this, that'd be great! And please let me know if I should make this a series or something.**

Chapter 3

"I have no idea."

"Well, luckily she's not super obsessed with like- barbies or something." I said, mimicking a rainbow with my hands. Phil and I sat down on the sofa, waiting for our guest to arrive.

A week. A week with Rose. I mean it might not be so bad, if she wasn't snogging my best friend every living moment. Just as I was thinking of how I could occupy myself when I was the 3rd wheel, Rose burst through the door.

"Honey, I'm home!" She giggled, hopefully not really meaning it. I fake gagged.

"Hey," I said, mindlessly watching the TV. There was some guy on the adverts droning on and on about a suicide and self harm hotline, and I switched it off immediately. Rose lugged a huge suitcase through the door and dropped in on the floor.

"Where am I going to sleep and change and do my girly things?" Rose asked.

"In my room," Phil started. "Cus, ya know-"

"Oh, no. I don't want you kids doing anything crazy. She's staying in my room. Besides, I have more room for that spare cot." Phil didn't like the sound of that but nodded and attempted to pick up Rose's suit case but failed. I had to help him bring it in my room. "Okay, Rose. You can get set up then."

"Okay, it won't take long," She opened up her suitcase and grabbed two things out of it: her laptop and laptop charger. "Done."

"This is why we're friends," I said grabbing my laptop from my bed and loading it up. Once it finally booted up, I opened Tumblr and sat down next to Rose. She looked on my screen to see some morph of me and Phil, and to be honest, it looked kind of good.

"Your fans are weird." Rose commented.

"Yeah, but they're creative and cool. Do you know how many would kill to be in your place right now?" I giggled. Most fans are jealous of Rose, and more ship us. Dose, they call us. Who knows why they picked that to be our ship name.

"Yes, I do. That's why I don't like you talking about me in your videos all that much. I'm scared for my life."

After about 2 minutes of scrolling through Tumblr, Rose's ebony haired boyfriend popped through the door equipped with his laptop and my llama hat. "Phil," I sighed, looking up at him. "Why are you wearing my hat?"

"It was on the ground and I'm cold." I sighed. If only Rose wasn't here...

Phil started sneezing. And sneezing. And sneezing. He was sneezing so much, I thought his heart would give out or something. "Stop it Phil."

"I can't stop!" He sneezed 3 more times.

"Are you sick?"

"I don't," He was interrupted by more sneezing. "I think so." His voice was muffled and he kept sniffing. His eyes were watery and bags were forming under his eyes.

"The hospital. You got the germs from there." He sneezed and started violently coughing. "Hey! Cough into your hands or something!" He tried to, but it was hard. "Okay, get up. I'm putting you to bed."

"No, I'll be fine. S'only 3 in the afternoon."

"Yeah, but we don't want to get Rose sick. I'll have to take care of you."

"Me too!" Rose piped up from the corner of the room. I almost forgot she was there. Phil let out a grunt, which led to more coughing.

"S'excuse me for a moment," He said, bolting to the restroom. I could hear violent retching sounds even through two closed doors. Rose covered her ears, and her faced turned pink. She must really be squeamish.

"Rose, I'll take care of Phil. I can tell you really don't want to, you look like you're gonna be sick yourself."

"Um Dan?" She squeaked, her eyes getting bigger. "Do you have another toilet by chance?"  
"Yeah, down the hall. Why?" She rushed past me and into the bathroom. I could hear faint vomiting noises coming from both sides of the house. Great. At least I'm not squeamish.

How am I going to do this? It's hard enough just taking care of Phil. Now Rose? I stood outside Phil's vomiting station and waited for him to come out. When he finally did I he asked, "Where's Rose?"

"Puking." I said, as Rose walked out of the bathroom. She looked like death. She looked like she was about to faint and she was pale. "Gather around children." I said, beckoning to Rose. "As much as I hate doing this, since you're both sick, I have to keep you together so I'm not running around the house. I have to put you in the same bed."

"Oh, no," Rose said sarcastically. "What a tragedy. What ever are we going to do?"

"I really hate that you're so much like me." I said, rolling my eyes. "Forward, march!" I said directing them into Phil's room. Phil got into his normal side of the bed and Rose on the opposite. Phil snuggled right into the security of his blankets but Rose just kind of sat there on top of the blankets. "Go on," I said, patting the blankets. "Phil doesn't bite. Well, I hope not, anyway." She finally got under the warm blankets and I set out to get them some soup. "Hey, what soup do you like?" I screamed to Phil's room. After about 30 seconds of silence I heard a muffled "Chicken noodle" coming from his room.

I went on making the soup, heating it on the stove and pouring it in separate bowls. Finally, I shuffled along to his room. When I walked in I put the soup on Phil's desk and looked in the bed to see the two of them cuddling together. _Hey, Dan,_ The little voice in my head piped up. _Guess what? You're the third wheel! Again! _I tried to hush up my brain for one minute so I could give them their soup. I plastered a fake smile on my face and said "I have your soup." They both woke up and sat up. They started eating slowly at first, then all at once. They gobbled it up. They ate their soup and handed me the bowls. Me, being the lazy person I am, I just slapped the bowls on Phil's desk. Then I started bounding around the room singing "Rose has a boyfriend," and "Phil has a girlfriend!" until I made them go pink.

"Stop it, Dan. That's childish." Phil said, and I wasn't entirely sure who he was defending, himself or Rose. Either way, I stopped and collapsed on Phil's bed, I was completely on top of Rose's feet and Phil's thighs. They both squirmed, but I wouldn't budge.

"Dan," Rose said, punching me in the arm. "Go away, you smell. I'm gonna be sick on you." I'm not sure if that was an empty threat or not, but I wasn't going to risk it. I got up and made my way towards my room, tears forming in my eyes. I slammed the door shut, sliding down it and putting my head in my hands, letting the tears spill over. _You're worthless, Dan._ The voice in my head mocked. I din't try to shut it up. It kept firing insults at me like it had been rehearsed. _Just the third wheel-again! The second choice! They never really like you- they just pretended to so they wouldn't hurt your frail little feelings. Everybody hates you, Dan. All the fans you have? They're Phil's. They're lying. Nobody really likes you. I mean, who would? You're worthless. Come on, cut. It'll make you feel better. Oh, you told your friends you wouldn't? What friends, exactly? _These words tore at me, nagging at me. I want to cut. I need to cut. I have to cut. I walk into my bathroom and grab the razor, gripping it tightly. Do I really want to do this? I could end up like Phil and Rose...and I don't want to do that. I slowly lifted the razor and dragged it across my skin, letting the blood seep up through my skin and onto the counter. I dragged it again. And again. It was infecting. I kept doing it, ignoring the pain.

"Dan! Get out of the bathroom! Imma be sick!" I jumped as soon as I heard Phil's voice, breaking my trance. I rushed up and cleaned the razor and counter, wiping away any blood. I opened the door and Phil rushed in half-puking on the floor and half in the toilet.

"Ew, Phil!" I said, looking away. I let him finish his emptying of his stomach and went to check on Rose. Before I stepped into the room, I slid on the first jacket I could find so my cuts would be covered. I knocked on the door softly, just in case she was sleeping. "Rose?" I called as I walked through the doorway. She stirred a little bit, but didn't wake up. She shivered in her sleep, and said something. Was she- sleep talking? What was she saying?

"Dan..." She moaned subconsciously. "Dan! Help! Help me, please! Don't do this! No! Dan, help me!" She was full on screaming now. I sat down on her bed. "Help me!" She cried.

"It's okay," I cooed. "I'm right here." Her screaming continued, but she didn't seem to wake up. "I'm here. You'll be okay." She woke up in a daze.

"...Dan?"

"Yes?"

"What happened to your arms?" She asked innocently, pulling up my jacket sleeve. Can she see my cuts? I have my jacket on. "You weren't wearing a jacket before." I tugged down the sleeve.

"I fell down the stairs while getting you guys your soup." She didn't seem to believe it but she was too tired to argue. "What was your dream about?"

She started crying right as Phil walked through the doorway. "What's wrong?" He asked, concerned.

"I-I had a dream," She said hiccuping with sobs. "Phil-you were cutting, and I was bleeding to death...and Dan just sat th-there like he-like he gave up. He wouldn't help m-me or you, or call an ambulance. Th-then...he st-started cutting himself." She was bawling by now.

"Shh." I said while Phil was stroking her hair. "It was just a dream. Go back to sleep."

"Okay," She mumbled, falling back asleep. I covered her up with the blankets and told Phil to sleep as well.

"No, I'm better now. I'll help you take care of Rose." He insisted.

"Phil, you just projectile vomited into the toilet. Sleep. Now." I pointed to the bed, begging him in my head that he'll obey. I just want to be alone. Fortunately, he did. He slid under the covers and closed his eyes, waiting for sleep to come. I slid out the door and closed it slowly so I wouldn't disturb them.

I lifted up my sleeve to reveal blood has soaked my entire arm. I walked into the bathroom to wash up.

I felt a little shaky, but I figured it's because I didn't eat.

Next thing I know, the ground is getting bigger, and the space around me is getting blacker, and everything is spinning. That's all I remember.


	4. The Monsters Aren't Bad

Chapter 4

Black. Everything's black. Why? Why does my arm hurt so much? I have a headache. Where am I? I open my eyes and I see the ceiling. I'm lying on the ground, and my head feels pretty banged up. I can't move my arm, and everything's still spinning. There's people hovering over me. Who are they? They look oddly familiar...a guy and a girl. The guy looks very childish, even without a smile on his face, and his hair is swept to the side. And the girl, she has light hair and looks very calm and somehow panicked.

"Dan? Dan? Are you alright? The paramedics are coming." Said the boy. Who was he?

"Who are you? What are you doing in my house? Why am I on the floor? Who's she?" I asked pointing to the lady. Why are these people in my house? And why are the paramedics coming?

"You really don't know who we are?" Said the girl, on the verge of tears. I shook my head. "Well, shit."

Suddenly I heard the door burst open. This seemed all too familiar...

"He's right here," The boy said to the tall men. "He doesn't remember anything."

"What's your name, son?" A gruff man asked me. I struggled to remember even that but I finally answered.

"Daniel James Howell, sir."

"That's a good sign." Then men lifted me up onto the stretcher and wheeled me out into the cool England air. The coldness picked at my skin threatening to freeze me. I shivered. Finally I was lifted up into the warm ambulance and I felt a little bit better. The boy sat to my left with the girl in his arms. "Who are you?" I asked again.

"Dan," The boy said, trying to choke back sobs. "I'm Phil. Your best friend. Don't you- don't you remember me?" His voice trembled. He did look familiar.

"Ph-Phil? My Phil? Phil Lester?" I asked. How did I know his last name?

"Yeah- do you remember anything about me?" I shook my head. He dug in his pocket and found his wallet. He opened it up and showed me a picture. It was me and Phil hugging at some party, and we were in suits, holding these golden head phones. Suddenly, all of the memories flooded in. Me and Phil at the Sony Headphones Awards. Me and Phil at the Halloween party. I can't find a flashback where we weren't together.

"Yeah. Yeah I do. But who're you?" I asked, pointing to the calm girl who even though she was calm, she looked like she was in distress.

"You-you don't remember?" She asked, her voice trembling along with her lip. "The name's Rose. Rose Jones."

"Rose?" I asked. "I know a girl named Rose."

"Oh, do you tell me about her." Rose responded. I felt drunk, and I kept rambling, but I am a happy drunk, I guess.

"The Rose I know, I don't think you know her. You look alike, really. She's beautiful, and my best friend. She always stuck with me, no matter how much of a freak I was. She has the deepest blue eyes. You could swim in them. And she's so kind and caring, and I love her. Not in that way, though, like best friend love." Rose was crying now, I think they were tears of joy. "Do you have a best friend like that?" I asked.

"Yeah, yeah I do. His name's Dan, I don't think you know him." She giggled.

As the ambulance bumped down the road, I said "Tell me about him. I like the name." I don't know what I'm saying, I feel half conscious, though I'm absorbing this information.

"Well," She started, still giggling, even though I don't know why. "He's very sweet, and has always been a happy drunk. He's kinda like- kinda like the Sun from the Teletubbies."

I laughed. "That sounds like me."

"Oh, does it? Maybe you do know him. And anyway, he's got these chocolate brown eyes, they're beautiful. His hair, it's like a exact match of Phil's here. It's brown, too, just like his eyes. But you see, the thing that I hate about Dan, is, he never tells me anything. I'm worried about him. I mean, he actually just hurt himself today, but on purpose."

"Oh," I responded, unsure of what to do with this information. "Why did he do that?"

"Well, I don't know. If you bump into him, could you ask him why for me?" She asked, hopeful.

"Yeah."

"Pinky promise?" She asked, holding out her pinky.

"What am I, five?" I asked sarcastically. I linked our pinkies together anyway, and I fell asleep.

When I woke up, there was beeping. Constant, annoying beeping. I opened my eyes and there was a bright, white light. An angel's true form? I asked myself. I couldn't even tell myself if I was joking or not. My head pounded, and I was laying on the most uncomfortable bed you could imagine. I turned over, and Phil was in my bed, sleeping. I recognized the walls. _I'm in the hospital! _Why is Phil in my bed? He must have stayed overnight, and needed a place to sleep. I changed positions and shook Phil.

"Phil?" I asked, tugging at my IV. He woke up at once.

"Dan? You're awake? Don't pull on that." He grabbed my hand and lay in on the bed.

"Yeah. What happened?"

"I was hoping you could tell me." He said, getting out of the bed and pulling up a chair. He put his arms on the bed and rested his chin on his arms. He looked like a 12 year old girl, really.

"I could if I would but I can't so I shan't," I told him.

"Why not?" He asked, picking his head up and starting to look worried.

"Where's Rose?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"At home, sleeping. She said she'd come here around 8ish. So why'd ya do it Dan? You're the one who told me to stop."

"I would if I could but I can't so I shan't." I countered, smirking.

"Tell me."

"No."

"Why not?"

I didn't respond. I didn't know why I didn't want to tell him. He wouldn't care, and it's not his problem, I wouldn't want to burden him with anything. I know, I'm a hypocrite, sue me. But I mean, why should he care? It's not his life. It's not his choices. He'd probably think I'm a freak anyway. I mean, who worries about being the third wheel?

"Because I don't want to burden you with anything." I told him. That's all he's getting out of me.

"Aren't you going to tell me anymore?" He asked, interested and very anxious.

"Nope."

"Just tell me."

"No."

"Fine." He said settling into his chair and glaring up at me as he dialed a number into his phone.

"Who're you calling?"

"No one of import."

"Why won't you tell me?"

He smirked before answering,"I would if I could but I can't so I shan't."

"Twat." Phil started whispering into the phone. Something about 'bring the stuff' and 'torture'. Yay. Once he hung up the phone I asked very shakily, "What're ya going do to me?"

"Nothing of import, right now." He answered me.

"Phil..." I trailed off, becoming scared. Wait. Am I scared...of Phil? No, it's the medicine, I decided. I looked back up at him. He towered over me in his chair. His eyes were darkened like his shadow. No, it's not his shadow. I squinted, trying to look at his eyes. When my eyes finally adjusted, everything was darkened, and it was just me and Phil is a pool of darkness. I tried to find his beautiful eyes. They weren't there. Instead, I found bloodshot, yellow eyes. Phil smiled down at me, a devilish grin. His teeth were jagged, yellowed, and pointed. "Phil?" I asked, quietly. I was small- the size of a bee- and Phil was gigantic, like a skyscraper. I scooted away, and he inched closer. Closer and closer. Am I dreaming? If I am, I'm impressed with myself, this is very real. I scooted back into a corner, and when Phil finally reached me he scooped me up in his giant hand. I was trembling by now, and I hadn't noticed the tears surfacing in my eyes that started to spill over. "This is what you get Dan! This is what you deserve!" He boomed.

"For-for what?"

"For trying!"

I woke up shaking and trembling in my hospital room. "Dan? You awake?" Phil called to me from the corner of the room. I didn't answer. How could I? I'm scared of Phil. Intimated, even. I don't even know why. "Dan?" I couldn't respond. I was to shaken. "Dan! Answer me!" He said at a moderate tone, but I heard it as yelling. I moved to the corner of the bed, trying to get away from him. Tears were flooding my eyes, and I couldn't see so I blinked. "Dan! What's wrong?!" He asked, and I thought I heard worry in his voice, but why would he care about me. He came closer to me, and I tried to get away. To escape. "Talk to me, damn it!" He said. Him cursing frightened me more.

I slid under the covers, still in a ball. I put my head in my knees, thinking if I couldn't see him, he could see me. Or I'd just disappear. I kept on weeping, terrified. Phil dialed a number on his phone.

"Yeah, scratch those plans, we have a problem," He said into the phone. I heard a mumble from the other line, and he responded, "He sounds,looks, terrified of me. Hurry." He hung up the phone and turned to me. I peeked my head out of my knees. "Dan," He asked softly. "Dan, talk to me." I didn't respond. I couldn't. He was too intimidating. He's been a Youtuber longer, he's better than me at everything, and he isn't dysfunctional. "If you don't hurry up and talk, I'm going to call a nurse." I couldn't tell him not to call a nurse, there was something restraining my voice. But it wasn't just Phil, I'm too depressed, and I didn't realize it, before now. I've always been the third wheel, I'm not good at anything. Phil pushed the button that called a nurse immediately.

A nurse strolled in and asked Phil what the problem was. "He won't speak. He looks awful." The nurse turned to me.

"What's wrong, honey?" She asked me sweetly. I wanted to answer, but I couldn't. She towered over me, and I felt like a small child. She had more power. She could hurt me. I let out a terrified cry and backed into the wall as much as I could. I screamed. I cried out. Begging for someone help me from these monsters. I could scream, but I couldn't speak. It's like one of those dreams where you're being chased but you can't run, except this is a nightmare, and I can't talk. It's reality. "It's okay, what's wrong?" I moved from one corner of the bed to the other and started to yelp. _Help me, _I tried to say. The nurse pressed a button on her belt and called for other people.

A team of 3 other people came bursting in the room. I shouldn't say people. I should say monsters. They were huge, making me feel even smaller and helpless on this bed. I looked up at them...they had no eyes. Just empty sockets. They're teeth were just like Phil's were-pointed. I screamed and screamed. Why was no one coming to save me? The monsters grabbed my arms and rolled me through a hallway. We arrived to a specific room, and I was still struggling against my restrainers. They put a mask on me, and I thought it was chloroform or something. Everything started to fade and become black. The last thing I heard was, "What're you doing to him? Don't hurt him! I'll be here when you wake up, Dan! I pinky swear!" coming from the original monster.


	5. I'm Sorry I'm A Monster

Chapter 5

"Dan, you okay?" A soft voice calls from above. I open my eyes to see Rose. But she's more than Rose. She looks different- prettier maybe. Am I dreaming? Probably. I can't see anything except her. "Me and Phil want to hang out with you." Yeah, I'm dreaming.

"You do?" I answered. She nods and leads me to a room. It's her flat. Phil is sprawled across the couch. "He's here?" He asked, pulling out a knife.

"What's that for?" I asked shakily, silently praying for my life.

"You." Rose answers, pulling out her own knife as she a Phil corner me into a wall. They both extend their arms at the same time, crashing down on me, slicing my fragile skin.

"Stop!" I beg. I stay alive no matter how many times the knives collide with my skin. Blood pours and onto the tile.

"This is what you get for trying!" They cackle at the same time.

"Don't do this! Please!" I scream and wail, but there's no stopping them. I tried to be friends with them, but blood pours from my skin, knives thrashing.

I open my eyes, and I'm sweating. "Where am I?" I ask to the empty room. I hear the door open to my left. "Who's there? Don't hurt me!" I turn my head and see a monster. But then it's Phil. "You're not a monster anymore."

"I was never a monster, Dan." He told me. "You lashed out. Are you okay now?"

"No."

He sighed. "Well, they said that they can release you within 24 hours, as long as you don't have another freakout." He sat besides me. "I kept my promise, by the way." I smiled. Phil knew how to cheer me up. "But why'd ya do it Dan? Be honest."

"Freak out?"

"No. Cut."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I fell down the stairs, getting you lazy asses your soup."

"You're not being honest with me, Dan."

"That's all you're getting out of me, though."

"Dan," He sighed.

"Phil," I mimicked.

"Please tell me."

"Yeah, I'll tell you, just like you told me." I was starting to get mad now. I don't know why, exactly, but anger was bubbling up inside of me. Why hadn't Phil told me? Did he think I wouldn't care? His expression changed from worry to sadness.

"That was different."

"Yeah? Well this is different, and none of your concern." I flipped around in my bed. "I'm tired, go away."

"Fine," He said getting up. "But Rose is here, d'you want me to send her in?"

"No."

"I'm sending her in anyway." I grunted. I didn't want to talk to anybody else. I just wanted to go home. Maybe this would give me an excuse to make a video. _Oh, fuck,_ I thought. _I've been so preoccupied with everything, I forgot about the fans!They're gonna wonder about stuff! _In the middle of my thoughts, Rose walked in. Or halfway, I should say. She's too scared that she'll be judged or something, and it's just another part to her stupid anxiety.

"C-Can I come in?" She asked quietly. I nodded. She walked in and pulled up a chair, and only then did I notice a small package in her hands.

"What's that for?" I asked. The package was wrapped with 1 Direction wrapping paper. She new just how to get me.

"Um...you," She said, trembling.

"Why are you shaking?"

"I'm scared."

"Why?"

"It's... it's not important." She said, looking down and handing me the small package. "Here," Her voice shook, and I could tell she was on the verge of tears.

"What's wrong?" I asked, starting to get shaky myself. I'm not normally like this.

"Nothing."

"Rose," I started, sitting up. "Tell me."

"It's not important." She countered with whatever bit of confidence she had.

"TELL ME!" I screamed. I don't know why I was getting so worked up. Was it because Phil wouldn't tell me anything, and he almost killed himself?

Rose screamed and started to cry, and ran out of the room. I scared her. I was scaring my own best friend. What was wrong with me? The package lay on my lap and I debated opening it. When I finally tore away all 5 faces, a stuffed llama was inside, with a card saying "To scare the monsters away." Well, fuck. They're not the monsters, I am. I can't keep a friend in the room for more than 5 minutes without making them cry or feel bad about themselves.

I put my face in my pillow for the rest of the day, and nobody comes to visit me besides the nurses who come to check to see if I'm okay. I may or may not have cried into the pillow, the same way as I may or may not have decided to name the llama Rose.

I must have fallen asleep into my pillow, because when I cracked open my eyes it was light out. And someone was in the room. Sitting in the chair. My heart automatically started racing and pounding, and I shot up from the bed. "Relax, Dan," the man called. "It's only me." I realized it was Phil.

"You scared me." I told him, trying to make myself calmer.

"Just like you scared Rose?" He asked me. That was cold. "Why'd you scare her like that, Dan? You know she's sensitive."

"Shut up." I retorted. I really didn't want to talk about this, not with Phil.

"She's literally shaking in the waiting room, you twat!" He smacked my head.

"Ow!" I yelped in pain. It wasn't my fault that I'm a monster, it wasn't my fault that she wouldn't tell me what was going on, it wasn't my fault that I am the way I am.

"Dan! You have to talk to her! Why did you do that?! Do you fucking know what she's been going through?!" He screamed. He hasn't cussed at me before.

"No...?" I asked, confused. She hasn't been going through anything, other than the flu as far as I know.

"She has cancer, you ass! Plus she has a fucking social anxiety, and on top of that, epilepsy! Her medicine is making her shy-er and more nervous, so what did you do? You screamed at her!"

"I- I didn't-" I said, not entirely sure at what I was trying to say.

"You didn't what?! You didn't know?! You didn't notice how she backs off, how her hair is falling out because of the chemo?!" He screamed at me.

"No I didn't- I- no one-"

"No one told you, right? No one tells poor Dan anything, right? Because your life is so awful, right?" I was scared. I didn't like this Phil. Mean Phil.

"Why are you yelling at me? It's not my fault, this time it's not!" I was screaming through tears now. "Not this time, Phil! This time it's on you! It was always on me, but not this time! I wish it had worked!" I choked out.

Phil was yelling at me, and I didn't like it. It was his fault he hadn't told me. His fault. Not mine.

_It was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line, I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear?_

It was his fault. "What do you mean you wished it had worked?!" He screamed up me, moving closer to me.

"The SUICIDE ATTEMPT!"

"What-" He started, but I cut him off.

"Oh, no one told you right? You didn't know?! Huh?! Because no one told you, it wasn't obvious. WHERE HAVE I HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE?!" I threw his words back at him like a baseball.

"Dan, I-"

"No! Shut up! I don't care anymore! It's not my fault this time! It's not! It always what, but not this time! I don't care anymore! I'm a freak now, right? For attempting suicide? For having depression that NO ONE KNEW ABOUT, NOT EVEN ME? I've been living in a mist- no a fog- all my life, never knowing what true happiness. I thought I did, when I met you. Thought. Then I was the third wheel. Of everything. Whether it was with Chris, Pj, or Alex, or Rose, I'M ALWAYS THE THIRD WHEEL PHIL." I took a deep breath from my rant. My voice trembled, and my words rung in the air.

"I didn't know," Was all he said as he walked out.

I didn't talk to Phil or Rose the rest of the day when they discharged me from the hospital. It was 3 by that time, and I was hungry. I didn't tell anyone this. I took my own cab home. I let myself in myself. No one was there, my cabbie must have gone faster than theirs. Thank God, I do not want to talk to them myself. I locked myself in my room for the rest of the day and lived off of Malteasers. I heard the door faintly open and close and heard footsteps leading to my room. "Dan," Phil called to me in a soft tone. It was almost worryingly...like he was...crying? "Dan can I come in?"

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"You can't live off candy forever, Dan."

"Whatever." I said as I got up and unlocked the door. I walked back to bed and settled under the duvet. Phil walked in cautiously.

"Dan?"

"What do you want? To tell me it's not my fault and you didn't know, that crap?" I asked sarcastically. I honestly didn't want to talk to anybody, not even Phil, but I didn't want meal Phil back, I didn't want to unleash the monster inside him.

"Basically."

"Mission accomplished. Go away." I instructed. Although, he did not obey, but that was expected. I mean, who would've, honestly.

"Dan, why did you try to- why didn't you tell me?" He blurted after about 10 seconds of silence.

"Same reason you didn't, Sherlock. Why didn't Rose tell me until you were admitted to the hospital? We all have our reasons, Phillip." I told him. I wanted that to be the end of the conversation, because he wasn't helping. "Just- go away." He left the room, unsure of what to say.

I don't know how long I slept after that, but I woke up around 3 in the morning to a phone call. I didn't recognize the number until the Caller ID appeared. A&E. "Fuck!" I screamed and composed myself so I could answer the phone. "Dan Howell." I stated when I picked up the phone.

"Hi, Mr. Howell, this is Nurse Agatha, and I have some- erm news- from Doctor Christie."

"Is this...about Rose?" I gulped.

"Yes. She had another seizure, about an hour ago. You were the first contact in her phone, and we have seen you before. It would be appreciated if you came to see her."

"Okay, we'll be there." I hung up the phone, tears rising to my eyes. "PHIL!" I screamed. "Phil, wake up!" I hiccuped with sobs. I never experienced someone with seizures before, what were they like? I managed to rummage through my closet and pulled on the first thing I found- gray sweatpants and my patchwork t-shirt. I jumped into the jeans and pulled on the shirt, and walked into Phil's room and punched him in the arm. "Wake up, you twat!"

"What's happening?" He asked dazed.

"Rose- she had a fucking seizure!" I screamed at him. His eyes sprung open and he sat up straight in his bed.

"Are you- are you sure?" He asked, full of disbelief.

"Yes! We need to catch a cab or something!" Phil grabbed some clothes and pulled them on, and we were out the door. We finally caught a cab after about 5 minutes of waving and yelling frantically. We were finally in the cab, and I decided to ask the question I was afraid to know the answer to. "Phil... what's it like having a seizure?"

"I wouldn't know. But I've seen her have a seizure- once- and it was truly horrifying. One minute she was sitting at her couch talking about Death Note and the next she was lying on the ground, shaking. I can't explain to you the fear that rushed through my body at that exact moment." How am I going to respond to that?

"Oh," I muttered. "Do you- do you think she'll be okay? Could she- could she die?"

"It's possible, I'd think. But not today. Not unless she had a concussion or something."

I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank God. That would have been horrible last moments with her.

We finally reached the hospital and went to the reception desk. "Um, we're here for Rose." Phil announced to the man.

"The epilepsy patient?" He asked. I gulped. I don't like that word. Epilepsy. Ugh. It sounds horrible.

"Y-yes," Phil stuttered.

"This way," He told us, getting up and pointing to the hallway. He lead us down a corridor and came to her room. "She's in here."

We uttered our thank yous, and walked inside. "Rose?" I called to her, waiting to make up with her what I'd done.

"Get away from me!" She screamed, bursting into a fit of tears.

"Look, I'm sorry and-"

"No! Go away! I hate you! You monster!" She yelled at me. Monster. _Monster._ This word picked at me, picked at my heart. That's another word I don't like. I knew it was true though, I am a monster. The monster everyone's scared of. That's me. I'm the freak. I did as I was told and went out of the room. I didn't let them see the tears the were threatening to fall. I walked up and down the white hallway, thinking. _How will I make up for this? I scared her half to death._ Suddenly, I knew just what to do. I went to the gift shop, searching for the stuffed toys. I was searching for one particular thing- not an animal, but a rose. What a cliché. Why couldn't I just buy a real rose? Because roses wilt, they don't last forever. I guess it was a symbol for something, but I don't know what just yet. I made my way balk to Rose's room and knocked on the door. Phil creaked the door open. "She's all yours." He told me. I walked in.

Before she could say anything, I told her, "Look, I'm really sorry, so sorry. I'm just oblivious to everything, and I didn't know any better, and here." I shoved the stuffed rose towards her. She examined it for a moment and looked at the card attached. I remember what I wrote. I had memorized it.

_I'm sorry, and you're right._

_Love, The Monster._

I didn't mean 'love' in that way, I just thought 'sincerely' was too formal or whatever. I walked out of the room, and Phil walked back in. I didn't want to talk to anyone anymore, it's 4 in the morning, and I just want my bed. I didn't know where to go, I don't even know how Rose reacted to my note, I just walked out. I didn't really want to be yelled at again. I leaned against the wall and feel half asleep there. I finally heard the door open and Phil gave me some information.

"Rose is about to go in for a 48 hour EKG." He told me.

"English, please." I told him.

"I don't know what it stands for, but an EKG is when they put this cap on you and monitor your brain. Rose has to stay in bed for the whole time, with exceptions for the bathroom. It really sucks."

"Oh."

"Rose wants to see you, though." I sighed. I didn't want to talk to anybody else, really, but Rose is going through a tough time, so I figured why not.

I walked inside, and the first thing she said was, "You're not a monster."

"Says the person who called me that 4 times."

"I was upset."

"You just gave me the truth."

"No, I fed you a lie." She retorted. I almost screamed at her again, but I stopped, remembering what happened last time.

"Just...whatever." I didn't have a comeback. I just wanted to go home. But that wasn't an option. "What's it like?" I ask after forever.

"What's what like?"

"Um...having a seizure?" I immediately regretted that I asked, because her expression changed to sadness.

"Honestly, I don't know. I'm eating cereal one minute, then I black out, and I kind of blink and I'm in the emergency room."

"How did you get there? No one was home to call."

"I think I did, subconsciously or something."

"Oh." That's all I could say. We sat in an uncomfortable silence. "So, an EKG, huh?"

"Yeah." She responds. "They said if I get 2 clear EKGs in a year, and no seizures, that would mean I wouldn't have epilepsy anymore."

"Well, that's great! We just have to survive those then, and you're in the clear for that!" I don't know who exactly I was trying to cheer up, but it didn't work for me. Phil finally walked in, breaking any awkwardness that was between us.

"They're ready for you to go in for the EKG, Rose."


	6. Problems and Solutions

Chapter 6

They wouldn't let us in when they were getting her ready, but after all the wires were attached, they let us into the light blue room with a smile. Barf. I went home before they let us in so I could get us some stuff, (tablets, games, ect.) and I was prepared. Well, I wasn't prepared for what I saw.

I obviously saw Rose, but it was horrible. The wires were all tangled and a mess glued on to this white cap that was glued to her head. They were taking her blood pressure when we came in, and she looked pale and horrible. "God, are you okay?" I asked.

The nurse answered for her. "She's fine, just some blood drawn. But you have to remember: she's off her normal medicine. If she has a seizure, it's _vital _that you press this button." She instructed, handing me a button connected to her hospital bed. I nodded. Not like there was pressure or anything.

"Wait, hang on..." Phil said, obviously confused. "She's off her medicine?"

The nurse nodded. "Yeah, we need to monitor her brain."

"Does that mean- if she has a seizure...we have to be in the room?" I don't know if that question was meant to be answered, but I said,

"Yeah, but the nurses will come in Phil." He was already starting to shake. Great. I have to deal with enough already. He nodded shakily. The nurse finally left, leaving me, Phil, and Rose alone to do whatever we like.

"What should we do?" Rose asked. She glanced at the TV, then my backpack.

"We could have a threesome," I suggested sarcastically.

"We couldn't do that, as much as I'd like to, they're monitoring us," She pointed to a small camera in the corner of the room. I don't know if she was joking, and I don't know if Phil knew either, but he punched me in the arm for the suggestion. I think.

I started to rummage through my full backpack, trying to avoid any awkward silence.

I'm not entirely sure what happened next. I heard vibrating. But not like a phone, more like a bed that is rubbing against a wall. I grabbed my DS out of my backpack and turned around. Rose was shaking, her eyes fully open, but she didn't seem there. I realized what was happening. _Seizure. _I dropped everything in my hands and pressed the button. It started recording. "Help! She's having a seizure!" I watched as Phil stood motionless, paralyzed. Nurses rushed in, poking her with needles and wires. Rose continued to shake. It was horrifying. Those lifeless eyes, staring at nothing, watching her body shake. I hadn't realized the tears pooling at my eyes, and I tried to blink them away. That didn't work.

What if she dies? No, she couldn't. She won't. She wouldn't do that to me. But what if her cancer- No. I had to shut my brain up.

I grabbed Phil's arm and yanked him towards me and dashed out of the room. We went into the hallway, and I slid down the wall while collapsing into sobs. Phil sat next to me. "Shh," He cooed, trying to make me feel better. "She'll be okay."

I sniffed. "Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Pinky swear?" I asked, holding out my pinky. He nodded, connecting his pinky with mine.

"But what if the cancer...?" I asked, knowing I didn't have to finish the sentence.

"I don't know, but I know we'll get through this." I nodded. A nurse came through the door.

"She's done having the seizure. She'll be out for a while, so be patient." We both got up and walked into the room. Rose's eyes were closed, and her body was lifeless. It was scary. I saw her chest rise and fall, and I knew she was okay. I sat down and retrieved my dropped items, finding a small dent in the DS.

"W-Wanna play?" I asked him. He nodded and I handed him his blue DS and we played Mario Kart for about 35 minutes, then Rose woke up.

"Ow," She moaned, rubbing her head.

"You're awake!" I half-screamed, jumping up from my seat. I ran over to the bed. She didn't respond, just rubbing her head.

She started screaming uncontrollably. What do I do? "What's wrong?" I asked frantically, and by this time Phil was out of his seat as well. The air was full with her piercing screams.

"My head," She moaned through screams. "It hurts! My head!" I called to the nurses and one rushed in with a bag that looked just about half full of clear liquid. She put a needle in Rose's hand (which caused loud screams of pain from her) and attached the bag.

"Pain meds," The nurse said to Phil and I. "She'll calm down in a bit. Might be a bit loopy." Then she left. Sure enough, 3 minutes later, Rose settled down in her bed, her eyelids heavy.

"You okay?" I asked her. She nodded.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Phil asked, stepping next to me by the bed.

"Phil? Is that you?" She asked, reaching towards him. He grabbed her hand.

"Yeah it's me." I made a fake gagging sound. "You need a girlfriend, Dan."

"I don't remember much." She looked around, starting to panic. "Wait- where am I? Where's my bed? What happened? Get me out of here!" She started struggling in her bed.

"Shh, it's okay," Phil shushed, successfully shutting her up. "You had a seizure."

"Oh," She replied, calmer. Yeah, the medicine was working. "Dan?" She asked, startling me for a moment.

"Y-yeah?"

"Do you still see the monsters?" How am I going to respond to that?

"No, no. That was just hallucinations. I'm better."

"Okay, but remember- if you ever see them again, think really hard, and think about things that make you happy. Like llamas, and colors, and smiles, and Phil..." The list went on, and I could tell the medicine was making her loopy.

"Wait, wait, hold up," I interrupted. "Why'd you say Phil?"

"Because, silly," She started grinning like a complete idiot. "He makes you happy. I can see it. When ever you fight, instead of you being angry, you're sad. Sad of losing him." I never really realized how true that statement was. Instead of saying something to Phil or said something witty, I just blushed. I hope no one saw that. "Oh my god," She said, astonished. "Guys, guys: I can _see _colors!" Yeah, it's working.

"Yeah, well, why don't you take a nap, Rose?" Phil told her. She nodded and snuggled into her pillows.

Me and Phil played Mario Kart the rest of the day, and Rose had a total of 4 seizures, which is what the Doctors had hoped for. It was a traumatic experience.

What was the worst, though, was how much her hair was disappearing. Chunks were falling off, flowing to the pillow. It was heart breaking.

Eventually the painful 48 hours were over, and we were free to go after they took out the IV and took off the wires. They'd have the results in next week.

-1 Week Later-

"C'mon, Dan, we have to go with Rose to get the results." Phil called to me through my bedroom door.

"Meh," I groaned, getting off of the comfort of my bed. I threw on some skinny jeans and a Danosaur t-shirt, and we went to pick up Rose from her apartment.

We walked down to her apartment door and knocked. "Come in!" Rose called from inside. We walked in on Rose downing her horse pills of medicine.

"God, how do you swallow those?" Phil asked in awe. Rose giggled and pecked Phil on the lips. I rolled my eyes. "Shut up, Dan."

"Are you ready to go, or are you going to have sex first?" I asked sarcastically. They make it too easy for me to mess with them.

Rose grabbed her keys and we set out for a cab. I, being the tallest of all of us, am able to hail a cab easiest. We told the cabbie the address and settled into the car.

We finally made it to the hospital and we were led to a small room. "Wait here," A office worker called to us.

10 minutes later, the doctor came in. "I'm afraid we have some bad news." Panic flooded my body, and a wave of sadness washed over Rose's face. "The epilepsy- it's worse. She needs more medicine and a some more tests." Fuck.

I could see tears flooding Rose's eyes, and Phil's too. I can't cry in this situation. I have to show control.

"But-" Rose sniveled. "But I can't afford any more medicine."

"I'm sorry. But you need more. You could have seizure while on the dose you're on now."

At this point, Rose was bawling and cuddling Phil. Rose does have a job at a bookstore, but it doesn't pay much. Enough to pay the bills, she told me.

"Thank you, Doctor." I told him, while I picked up Rose and gave her a piggy back ride while we picked up the prescription. It's normal, trust me. Rose stayed on my back the whole time until we got into the cab.

"What-what are we gonna do?" She asked through sobs.

"I don't know," Phil answered.

"Wait! I have the bestest idea in the whole of human history!" I screamed, startling the cabbie. "And it'll work!"


End file.
